Thoughts on Getting Older

Well, today is my birthday and, for once, I'm not totally bummed out.

This is kind of a big deal for me since this birthday is the one that ends a decade and that is usually the birthday that bums me out the most. It's not turning the big whatever-O (I still can't type the number) but it is the lead up to that big number that freaks me out. It's like my mind and body need a year of preparation before they can accept that I am, inevitably, getting older. But I've noticed that with each successive birthday in the last 20 years I'm getting better at dealing with this aging thing. So, for all of us hitting whatever big birthdays or just for those of us who struggle with the thought of getting older lets put some perspective on things. I offer you some of my favourite inspirational quotes on getting older from people much wiser than me. If they said it, I must believe it, yes?

Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Leroy "Satchel" Paige

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. ~Samuel Ullman

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain
(Note from Nelsa: I've never actually seen my neck smile so this one's kinda bogus. Sorry, Mark.)

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. ~Maurice Chevalier, New York Times, 9 October 1960

Everyone is the age of their heart. ~Guatemalan Proverb

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. ~Judith Regan

Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read. ~Quoted by Francis Bacon, Apothegm

And with that last quote, I thank all my old (and new) friends for the birthday wishes today and their vital, constant friendship. I reach for a glass of good red wine and a favourite book and sit by an imaginary fireplace toasting my feet and this day. For birthdays are, indeed, to be celebrated not feared. Thank you all for celebrating with me!

Christmas Traditions - Love 'em or Hate 'em?

Christmas is my absolute favouritist time of year. Decorating the house, buying presents for friends and loved ones, trimming the tree, snow, carolling, hot chocolate, lights, cookies, food … aww. What's not to love?? But, I must admit, there are some things I don't love too much. School Christmas concerts for one. Christmas travelling for another. Still, this year I realized those last two traditions might be coming to an end and you know what? I might, kinda, miss them. Who knew?

Now I love hearing kids sing at concerts but when it's instruments only? Sigh. It is a bit of a struggle to sit through, I must say. This year was my seventeenth Christmas concert . Yep. You read that right. SEVENTEENTH. I have heard way too many awkward string and band renditions of Good King Wenceslas to ever hear it again without a slight cringe. And yet. When I saw The Boy up there this year doing his best on the trumpet and sounding surprisingly good for a kid that doesn't practice enough (although his band mates might have been working overtime) I actually got a little nostalgic. There is only one more Christmas concert I am to attend at his school. All three of my children have been in the band or strings program there and I do believe music helps with academic and with social skills. I'm proud all of them joined the music program at school. But once those concerts stop, it almost feels like the childhood stops too. Ya' know?

The other thing that changes this year is that we are not travelling home for Christmas. We are staying in Toronto for once. The Boy has a hockey tournament right after Boxing Day. So we would have had to do the four hour drive to my parents , drive back for the 27th then on the 30th drive back again to celebrate my Dad's 80th birthday for New Year's Eve. Way too much driving even for us who are used to it. So we are spending Christmas entre nous. No grandparents or aunts and uncles to distract the kids. We'll either have a lovely, quiet celebration with much walking of the dog and watching old movies or you'll hear something about a family tragedy on the news the next night. I think I might actually miss the long drive home and the squabbling, cramped van with presents piled in the back and the dog breathing on everyone's faces. Hmm. Maybe I won't miss that part too much. But I'll definitely miss the chaos of Christmas morning and seeing my mom cry at least once over some silly little gift one of the kids has given her. Ah, well. Next year we'll host the Christmas gathering at our newly reno'd house and the grandparents and aunts and uncles can travel to us. It will be the start of a new birthday decade for me then and it's only fitting that a new Chrsitmas tradition should start as well.

Still, the only tradition I hope will always continue is that my husband and I are together celebrating the holidays with our kids for as long as possible. That's the only thing that really matters. Not where, but who.

How about you? What are your favourite and least favourite holiday traditions?

Writers Face-to-Face

Last night the amazing Claudia Osmond hosted the 2nd Annual Torkidlit Christmas gathering of writers in her lovely, beautifully renovated home (BTW.I love seeing reno'd homes. Makes me think there is hope for my home!). Anyway, I can't thank Claudia enough for opening her home to quite a few of the Torkidlit writers but, more importantly, I don't know if she realizes what an important thing she started a couple of years ago when she gathered a few Toronto PB, MG and YA writers and illustrators together in a downtown Toronto pub for an evening of talk, drinking and laughter (and sometimes tears). It's become a regular monthly, must-go outing for many of us. And, for writers, once you've experience that community of like-minded individuals talking face-to-face nothing can replace it.

I know the thing now is Facebook and Twitter and writing boards. And, yes, those communities and the chance to connect virtually with writers from thousands of miles away is a wonderous and, in many ways, life-saving opportunity. But face-to-face time with other writers is SO important. There is such value in hearing the voice of the person you might have only connected to via the web. In that voice you hear the subtle nuances of the information they are trying to convey and see the facial expressions that give you so much more context. You can literally give someone a shoulder to cry on or jump up and down with them when they have fabulous news. Putting a real face to the tweets, messages, blogs, etc. then makes your virtual connection even that much stronger.

I'm not saying that Face-to-Face is better than virtual. I'm saying that it gives many writers that added human connection and understanding that we need once in a while in order to be able to slog through the hard times and celebrate the good times. Even if a writer lives in outer Siberia, if there is the faintest chance that they can attend a workshop or travel to a gathering of writers once in a blue moon, I would encourage them to do it. Sometimes, that human connection may be enough to help keep the writing fire alive. Join CANSCAIP. Join SCBWI. Join RWA. JOIN. Meet. Talk. Face to face. It's a life-line.

So, yes, thanks to the Internet, we are more connected now than ever. But also thanks to writers like Claudia Osmond (and Debbie Ohi!) for starting that Face-to-Face time here in Toronto. Thank you, ladies. Very much.

My Latest Obsession

While I continue to tinker with various writing projects, I must admit it is with only half a heart at present. The largest part of my life right now is dealing with the massive amounts of time and decision-making that must go into finalizing our home reno. We are in the last leg of the race. Not that we are anywhere close to moving in - I'd say another two - three months at least. But now is the time when all the decisions on colours and finishes are made as well as furniture shopping. I tell you, I would have gone mad right about now if it hadn't been for my discovery of this fabulous website: www.houzz.com

Oh, my God. I LOVE this site.

You can search by style (traditional, contemporary, eclectic, etc.) and any type of room from kitchen to entranceway. You can specify you want a search done on "mirror over fireplace" or something and literally hundreds if not thousands of pictures in that theme, style, particular search will come up. If you have a specific question on what paint colour or where a piece of furniture was purchased, you can leave a question and a designer will come back and give you the answer. If you're anything like me, you might have a vague idea of the kind of style you might want to have in your space but nothing concrete. With this site, you can create your own ideabooks and start collecting the pictures that will help you to finalize the look you want in your own space. Who knew I would gravitate towards gray walls with white trim? Who knew that I would decide on going with dark kitchen cabinets rather than the more common white? After collecting hundreds of pictures, I kept seeing the same themes/styles emerge. That was so helpful.

It also doesn't hurt when your husband looks at you funny when you say you want a room done a certain way and he scoffs. But when you email him what the room could look like as a finished space (no need to have him sit down with you and flip through home decorating magazines) it makes life so much easier!

Anyway, sorry for this non-writing related post but if you're about to embark on a home reno I have two pieces of advice:
1. Move and buy a house that's already finished.
2. If you still insist on renovating, then go to houzz.com. You'll thank me later.

Have I Lost the Blogger/Twitter Love?

I really had to force myself to write this post today. I'm finding that this feeling is becoming much more prevalent with all of my social networking, including Twitter and Facebook. Well, I never really got into Facebook that much but Twitter and doing my blog posts I enjoyed. Just … not so much anymore.

I could just be feeling social networking exhaustion. I could, after almost 3 years of blogging have nothing more to say. More likely, with how busy my life has been lately, I just don't have the time and energy to create a blog every week. I used to blog three times a week, then I went down to two and now I'm down to once a week. That worked for a while but even that once a week posting seems an effort now. So, if I'm not seeing someone as much as I used to, doesn't that tell me something?

I'm also not finding anything new or fabulous out in the internet world these days. Even Twitter seems to be filled with people I haven't had a chance to get to know and, in my attempts to be a good, polite Twitter follower, I've perhaps followed too many people just because they followed me first. A lot of them seem to be using Twitter as an ongoing advertisement for their books. Which is fine. I just don't want to read about it every time I'm on line. Similarly, I used to love Google and would always have a pile of searches on various topics (mostly writing related) that would keep me happily entertained for hours. But it feels like I'm seeing the same old subjects being talked about by a few different people and nothing new is being discussed. Have I really read it all or am I just burnt out and need to step away from the computer for awhile?

I'm hoping it is the latter. Because I don't want to stop after all this time. But stopping cold turkey just makes it all the harder to step back into it when you do decide to come back. For example, I have (had?) an online friend who was very active for a time on blogger and Twitter and then she just dropped out. For over a year I didn't hear from her and then there was a brief little email to a few of her online friends that said 'Hey, how's everything? Hope to hear from you" but, honestly, I didn't feel the connection anymore because of that separation. That's what I feel will happen to me if I step away completely. But I may have to do that. Keeping up with it all is just way too much sometimes.

Am I the only one feeling this fatigue? If you're feeling it, did it hit you all of a sudden or has it been building slowly and what have you decided to do about it?

The Devil is in the Details

I'm in the midst of the reno from hell and, for the most part, my husband has had to deal with stuff. Mechanical, plumbing, HVAC, etc. Not very glamorous (to me anyway) but all those little details add up to a working house that I will one day celebrate and not curse because it doesn't have adequate heating, low water pressure etc. Now that we're getting toward the last third of the reno I now have to become immersed in the details. Lighting, paint colour, tile selection, ack! I know if I screw up on those things that no matter how well my husband has taken care of his details, my details will be out there for everyone to see. So, you might ask, what's your point? What does this have to do with anything - especially writing??

So many writers are doing NaNoWriMo (NaNo for short)this month that I keep reading about the deluge of submissions agents will be inundated with in January. I also keep reading that writers should please, for the love of God, please hold off on submitting. Why? Because it's the details that make your submission stand out. You might have got the bones of the book down this month. Maybe even some flesh and blood. But do you have the right nuances of character? Are your secondary characters fleshed out enough? Like a house that needs the right furniture, have you gone through the book and made sure the setting is solid and evocative and does it contribute to the overall mood of the room ... I mean book! So, so many DETAILS. You get my drift?

Those details - and like a house reno there can be hundreds of details/decisions to attend to - are critical if you want that book (or house) to shine. Even if you get sick of going through every scene (room) to make sure it flows with the rest of the scenes, even if you are sick of looking at lighting fixtures ... I mean descriptions! you need to to make sure your scene is as bright or as dark as you want it to be.

So, yes, the devil is in the details but the beauty will show in the book. And, I hope, my house. Good luck you NaNoWriMo's! Come January our books and houses may not be quite ready but they'll be on their way!

The Book is the Thing

I've been writing for nine years now. Not a great long stretch of time when you think of writers like Stephen King who started writing his stories as a young boy and he's in his 60's now or Nora Roberts who has been writing over 30 some years now(sorry, I'm too tired tonight to Google and find out exactly how long she's been at the game). I'm wondering if it's just me or if this happens to all writers at a certain point, no matter how successful they are:

There comes a point in your writing process where you finally realize that the book is the thing.

Not the agent.
Not the publishing contract.
Not a launch party.
Not pretty covers.
Not how many sales you've made (or haven't made).

Those things are the wrapping that's around the actual present. THE BOOK.

I was wondering why, since I parted ways with my agent earlier this year, I haven't been angsting about what's coming next. I'm not panicking about whether I've got a book to go out on sub right this very second. I'm not freaking out over the ever shrinking book shelf space or the lack of reviewers out there. I'm not stressing over whether I'll find another agent or get another publishing contract. I'm not worried about whether I'm tweeting or facebooking or blogging enough. I have finally, blessedly, come to the realization that all of those frets and worries and stressors and strains do very little to help get the real work of writing done. It always comes down to one thing: THE BOOK.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very conscious of the business side of things and I try and stay on top of what's happening - I'm not writing in a vacuum. But I understand now that I will still write stories without all of that. Maybe they won't get published or it may take a while to get them out there but I think I may have finally become confident enough about my stories and my writing to accept that not all of them will be going out into the world. It doesn't mean I won't try. It doesn't mean that I don't believe in the stories I write. It just means that I am accepting the reality that this is a tough business to break into, a tough business to stay in and a tough business to keep slogging through.

With acceptance comes a very relaxed attitude. But relaxed does not mean indifferent. Not by any means. I care about my stories and I want them to find supporters and homes and readers. But if that doesn't happen I know that it doesn't lessen them in any way. The act of creating something out of nothing is significant. And all writers need to understand that what they do and what they write is to be celebrated.

You wrote a BOOK. Holy cow, people. You wrote a frigging BOOK.

Stop worrying about the other stuff. Work on THE BOOK. And the rest will follow. If it doesn't? You still have THE BOOK.