I was pointed to this article via Debbie Ohi (@inkygirl on Twitter) written by the always brilliant Ms. Jane Friedman. It was full of helpful questions and thoughtful observations about what it takes to become a successful writer. And it's not always about talent. It is a lot about how how many risks you take and how you respond to failure.
There is one line that really caught my attention. Ms. Friedman says
"It’s the old cliché: Nothing risked, nothing gained. Playing it safe as a writer will lead to mediocre writing at best. If you’re not failing, you’re not shooting high enough."
Which made me think about the kind of person I am and whether I have enough courage to take the risks I need to challenge myself - both as a person and as a writer. I'm a cautious person by nature. I think things through and weigh the pros and cons of every decision. I'm a slow and steady wins the race kind of gal who is comfortable with a certain level of routine and a need to plan ahead so there are few to little surprises in store (did I mention I hate surprise birthday parties, too?) Makes me sound pretty dull and boring, no? Yeah, that's what I think too. But there is one thing about me that balances that cautionary nature out: once I make a decision, there is no looking back and re-assessing or regretting that decision. It is what it is and I will make the best of it and learn and grow from that decision.
Lately, I've been feeling the need to challenge myself more - and not only in writing but with other areas of life. I have felt that lack of challenge creating a restlessness within me. Now, with so many changes happening on the home front I am also looking to challenge myself on the writing front. How that will turn out, I don't know. But I do know that if I don't risk some things nothing will change and human beings have survived and dominated because they have adapted best to change.
Change, risk, failing, getting up again, trying something new, challenging the status quo, facing your fears, leaping into the great unknown - however you wish to describe it - is necessary and vital to keep you from becoming complacent and bored. And is that how you really want to feel on a daily basis? Not me. So, say it with me folks, a little risk is a good thing. If I fail it meant I at least tried.
Showing posts with label life choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life choices. Show all posts
Monday, June 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
One Year Ago Today
One year ago today I was waiting for the release of my book Illegally Blonde. I wrote a blog post on the day before the release where I wrote these words
... for now I am taking a deep breath, being a bit more reflective of what this not insignificant event means and what it might - or might not - change in my life. It may not change anything in my future at all, really. But even if it doesn't I know what has led up to it has already changed me. Writing and publishing a book has opened my life up in so many different ways. I've met so many new and interesting people I'd never have had the opportunity to meet otherwise. I'm already changed, I hope, for the better. And because of that, I think I owe it to myself to reflect a little this week. To dream a little bit about the future but mostly, to appreciate my incredible good fortune on having gotten this far and understanding how special this moment really is. The past informs our future and while we can't live in it we must surely appreciate what has happened to us to get us here and to keep us going in the future. So tomorrow, when the book is officially 'out' I may just be sitting quietly at home, not doing anything much beyond spending time with my kids and husband and thinking to myself: Nelsa, you're a very, very lucky girl.
So then I was looking to the future and now I'm looking into the past and, let me tell you, it's a very interesting view. Why?
Because one year ago today I had no clue that right after my book was released my mom would be diagnosed with breast cancer. I had no idea that the stress and anxiety of planning and having a book launch would pale into insignificance when measured against the stress and anxiety about to invade my personal life for the next nine months. It was a surreal summer of celebrating a huge achievement in my writing life and also waiting with dread to hear whether my mom's cancer had spread. On one day I'd find my book was a recommended read in the Canadian Children's Book News magazine summer issue and the next day I'd be sitting in a waiting room waiting for my mom's surgery to be over. To say I was feeling exceptionally strung out would be a major understatement. Then add to that minor details like moving out of our home and my baby girl leaving for university and it's no wonder that my writing last year became something like the runt in a litter of puppies. There and still important but unfortunately neglected due to all the other stronger pups vying for the mother's limited attention.
But now, looking back on that surreal year, I think all that happened because the universe was trying to tell me that for every goal that you set for yourself and that you believe is the reason behind your life here on earth, for every mountain you think you need to climb, you need to remember that no goal is so important that it overshadows all the other stuff happening in your life. So, to all my fellow writers out there, indulge me a bit in my retrospective look back on a most momentous year and forgive me for giving some unasked for and maybe un-needed advice in the next few sentences. But if you can, please, please always remember this:
Your LIFE is about more than getting a book published. Your LIFE is joy, trauma, headaches, laughter, work, friendships, children, parents, school, vacation, bills, watching TV, walking the dog, cooking, cleaning, reading with your kid, picking out shoes with your daughters, crying, hugging your husband/boyfriend, taking a nap, going to every freaking cold hockey arena in the city to watch your kid play a game you still don't quite understand, taking your child to the dentist/doctor/optometrist, having lunch/dinner with a girlfriend, watching your mother cry with worry, sending texts to your brother, screaming in your car, singing Kanye West songs with your kids, painting a shed, writing in your journal, doing laundry, blubbering at Toy Story 3, going to the hairdresser, venting with a friend, having a glass of wine (or two), looking up at the sky and thanking God your mother is cancer free now.
So, yes, I achieved one goal by getting my book published. Yes, I'm very proud of that. But I'd throw it away in a second if I could have prevented my mom from having to go through her cancer scare last year. She made it through. I still have both my parents. I have my children and husband with me. What have I learned in the year since I became a published author?
I'm still one very, very lucky girl.
... for now I am taking a deep breath, being a bit more reflective of what this not insignificant event means and what it might - or might not - change in my life. It may not change anything in my future at all, really. But even if it doesn't I know what has led up to it has already changed me. Writing and publishing a book has opened my life up in so many different ways. I've met so many new and interesting people I'd never have had the opportunity to meet otherwise. I'm already changed, I hope, for the better. And because of that, I think I owe it to myself to reflect a little this week. To dream a little bit about the future but mostly, to appreciate my incredible good fortune on having gotten this far and understanding how special this moment really is. The past informs our future and while we can't live in it we must surely appreciate what has happened to us to get us here and to keep us going in the future. So tomorrow, when the book is officially 'out' I may just be sitting quietly at home, not doing anything much beyond spending time with my kids and husband and thinking to myself: Nelsa, you're a very, very lucky girl.
So then I was looking to the future and now I'm looking into the past and, let me tell you, it's a very interesting view. Why?
Because one year ago today I had no clue that right after my book was released my mom would be diagnosed with breast cancer. I had no idea that the stress and anxiety of planning and having a book launch would pale into insignificance when measured against the stress and anxiety about to invade my personal life for the next nine months. It was a surreal summer of celebrating a huge achievement in my writing life and also waiting with dread to hear whether my mom's cancer had spread. On one day I'd find my book was a recommended read in the Canadian Children's Book News magazine summer issue and the next day I'd be sitting in a waiting room waiting for my mom's surgery to be over. To say I was feeling exceptionally strung out would be a major understatement. Then add to that minor details like moving out of our home and my baby girl leaving for university and it's no wonder that my writing last year became something like the runt in a litter of puppies. There and still important but unfortunately neglected due to all the other stronger pups vying for the mother's limited attention.
But now, looking back on that surreal year, I think all that happened because the universe was trying to tell me that for every goal that you set for yourself and that you believe is the reason behind your life here on earth, for every mountain you think you need to climb, you need to remember that no goal is so important that it overshadows all the other stuff happening in your life. So, to all my fellow writers out there, indulge me a bit in my retrospective look back on a most momentous year and forgive me for giving some unasked for and maybe un-needed advice in the next few sentences. But if you can, please, please always remember this:
Your LIFE is about more than getting a book published. Your LIFE is joy, trauma, headaches, laughter, work, friendships, children, parents, school, vacation, bills, watching TV, walking the dog, cooking, cleaning, reading with your kid, picking out shoes with your daughters, crying, hugging your husband/boyfriend, taking a nap, going to every freaking cold hockey arena in the city to watch your kid play a game you still don't quite understand, taking your child to the dentist/doctor/optometrist, having lunch/dinner with a girlfriend, watching your mother cry with worry, sending texts to your brother, screaming in your car, singing Kanye West songs with your kids, painting a shed, writing in your journal, doing laundry, blubbering at Toy Story 3, going to the hairdresser, venting with a friend, having a glass of wine (or two), looking up at the sky and thanking God your mother is cancer free now.
So, yes, I achieved one goal by getting my book published. Yes, I'm very proud of that. But I'd throw it away in a second if I could have prevented my mom from having to go through her cancer scare last year. She made it through. I still have both my parents. I have my children and husband with me. What have I learned in the year since I became a published author?
I'm still one very, very lucky girl.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Is the Gut Always Right?
I have to make a decision soon. It's not life or death or anything, just something that is not clear cut in my mind. So, like I do when I'm figuring something out I research the hell out of it and make a mental list of pros and cons. I'm a Capricorn and I'm a very practical, linear, and (mostly) logical person when it comes to matters of career or finance or day to day matters. So this decision is not based on emotional commitment or family/friend related matters which should make for a very clear cut decision then, right? Um... not so much.
For the first time I'm listening more to my gut than my brain. I feel more that I should go one way even though, logically, my brain is telling me I probably should go the other way. But I keep remembering the last time I made a decision where my gut was telling me "Uh, Nelsa, maybe you should hold up there a bit. Think on it a little more." But my brain said, "This is an opportunity you need to take advantage of now." I regret that decision now although it didn't result in a disaster or anything. Just a general feeling that maybe I should have listened a little more to my emotional radar rather than the intellectual one.
I wonder if my gut now is just mirroring my natural worry and anxiety of making a decision that will take me down a different, unknown route - maybe my gut wants to play it safe? But I really don't think that's it. I should be excited about the decision - it's all right to feel nervous, anxious even but ... a gut level feeling that this is not right for me when all logic is telling me otherwise? I think I need to listen to that.
Maybe I need to follow my gut this time and see where pure feeling takes me. How about you guys? Do you always trust your gut? Or does logic win out every time?
For the first time I'm listening more to my gut than my brain. I feel more that I should go one way even though, logically, my brain is telling me I probably should go the other way. But I keep remembering the last time I made a decision where my gut was telling me "Uh, Nelsa, maybe you should hold up there a bit. Think on it a little more." But my brain said, "This is an opportunity you need to take advantage of now." I regret that decision now although it didn't result in a disaster or anything. Just a general feeling that maybe I should have listened a little more to my emotional radar rather than the intellectual one.
I wonder if my gut now is just mirroring my natural worry and anxiety of making a decision that will take me down a different, unknown route - maybe my gut wants to play it safe? But I really don't think that's it. I should be excited about the decision - it's all right to feel nervous, anxious even but ... a gut level feeling that this is not right for me when all logic is telling me otherwise? I think I need to listen to that.
Maybe I need to follow my gut this time and see where pure feeling takes me. How about you guys? Do you always trust your gut? Or does logic win out every time?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Living with Your Decisions
Well, she finally did it. My daughter chose.
It wasn't easy. There was a daily battle and, depending on the hour you asked her, it could have gone either way. But my baby - my oldest - made her first decision as an adult: she chose her university. Now, for the next year, she will be living with that decision. Right now the strongest feeling is one of relief. No more angsting, no more pros and cons, no more eenie, meenie, miney moe. Later will come the hardest part: the living with it.
Living with a decision is hard only if things are going wrong or if you're unhappy with your choice. Since oldest had two good choices the likelihood of her being unhappy with either of them is slim. But there will always be niggling questions and considerations. The main one being "What if I'd chosen the other way?"
As writers, this is easy for us to deal with - we can always write a scene making the characters go in that different direction. We can read both versions and say - this is the way to go. This is where I want my characters to end up. It would be so much easier if, in life, we had a button to press that showed us where our decisions would lead us. But we live our lives not as writers but readers - life (like a good book) is exciting precisely because we don't know where our life (and the book) is leading. And, as I told my oldest, she's still so young she can change directions a number of times or, if she likes the path she's on, then she can continue with that storyline for awhile. She is the maker of her own fate. But if she believes in destiny then the things that are destined for her will happen no matter what path she's chosen.
Either way, she shouldn't stress. The decision is made and all I can hope for her is that the living with it will be easy.
It wasn't easy. There was a daily battle and, depending on the hour you asked her, it could have gone either way. But my baby - my oldest - made her first decision as an adult: she chose her university. Now, for the next year, she will be living with that decision. Right now the strongest feeling is one of relief. No more angsting, no more pros and cons, no more eenie, meenie, miney moe. Later will come the hardest part: the living with it.
Living with a decision is hard only if things are going wrong or if you're unhappy with your choice. Since oldest had two good choices the likelihood of her being unhappy with either of them is slim. But there will always be niggling questions and considerations. The main one being "What if I'd chosen the other way?"
As writers, this is easy for us to deal with - we can always write a scene making the characters go in that different direction. We can read both versions and say - this is the way to go. This is where I want my characters to end up. It would be so much easier if, in life, we had a button to press that showed us where our decisions would lead us. But we live our lives not as writers but readers - life (like a good book) is exciting precisely because we don't know where our life (and the book) is leading. And, as I told my oldest, she's still so young she can change directions a number of times or, if she likes the path she's on, then she can continue with that storyline for awhile. She is the maker of her own fate. But if she believes in destiny then the things that are destined for her will happen no matter what path she's chosen.
Either way, she shouldn't stress. The decision is made and all I can hope for her is that the living with it will be easy.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Decisions, Decisions...
There are just some weeks where your life has a theme to it - whether you want it to or not. Just like a novel, sometimes that theme is apparent only after some minor or innocuous scene or comment from a character that suddenly crystallizes everything that's been happening and gives it a cohesive underpinning. Like the 'why' of a characters actions, the theme is the 'why' of the book. Why are these things happening? To what purpose? So when my friend and fellow writer, Cynthia Reeves left a comment on my last blog post about how much she hates making decisions I knew that this had been my life's theme lately. Well, at least my family's theme.
Daughter One is going to university in the fall. Going, that is, if she ever decides which offer to accept. She's narrowed it to two excellent universities both with equally impressive pros and a minimal list of cons (she likes to make lists). She is paralyzed with indecision. The deadline to make a choice is May 28th. I've shortened that to this weekend so as to give us a cushion of a few days should there be any technological glitch with sending the acceptance and paying deposits on line.
Daughter Two is angsting over whether to continue to participate in a team sport that requires her to miss more classes than she's comfortable with (yes, she is that concerned with academics. She's the only teen who's parents encourage her to slack off).
The Boy can't decide on what to have for breakfast. God help us all when he has to make a major life decision.
The Husband loves to discuss, analyze, dissect, weigh, and plan out every major decision in our lives to the point where it might take months or years to come to a decision that's to his satisfaction. Yes, it drives me that nuts. Our home reno has to be done this year - let's hope decisions are made quickly and painlessly.
Me? I hate agonizing over a decision. Makes me physically ill -really. It does. So, if I can cut to the chase and say "That's what I want to do" and be willing to live with whatever consequences afterward then I know I'll be a happier person. Over-analyzing, not moving forward, indeciveness is not a healthy thing for me. Is it for anyone? Of course, there's the risk of making hasty, not well thought out decisions. A lot of people - Daughter One especially - doesn't like making decisions because she's worried about making the wrong one. Making a decision is such a relief but only if you are willing to live with and accept the consequences of it. Only if you can handle any potential regrets from that decision.
I told Daughter One that's the way I make decisions. When I was angsting over whether to have a third child, I asked myself the following question: "What would I regret more? Having a child or not having a child?" I knew I might regret not having another child but I would never - ever - regret having a child. No matter the hard work and sacrifice involved.
So, I said to her, "Which university would you regret NOT going to more?" A light went on in her eyes. I think I know which one she's going to pick. We'll see. I'll let you know.
Anyway, so that's the method I use to make a decision - thinking about which would be my greater regret. What helps you make those hard to make decisions?
Daughter One is going to university in the fall. Going, that is, if she ever decides which offer to accept. She's narrowed it to two excellent universities both with equally impressive pros and a minimal list of cons (she likes to make lists). She is paralyzed with indecision. The deadline to make a choice is May 28th. I've shortened that to this weekend so as to give us a cushion of a few days should there be any technological glitch with sending the acceptance and paying deposits on line.
Daughter Two is angsting over whether to continue to participate in a team sport that requires her to miss more classes than she's comfortable with (yes, she is that concerned with academics. She's the only teen who's parents encourage her to slack off).
The Boy can't decide on what to have for breakfast. God help us all when he has to make a major life decision.
The Husband loves to discuss, analyze, dissect, weigh, and plan out every major decision in our lives to the point where it might take months or years to come to a decision that's to his satisfaction. Yes, it drives me that nuts. Our home reno has to be done this year - let's hope decisions are made quickly and painlessly.
Me? I hate agonizing over a decision. Makes me physically ill -really. It does. So, if I can cut to the chase and say "That's what I want to do" and be willing to live with whatever consequences afterward then I know I'll be a happier person. Over-analyzing, not moving forward, indeciveness is not a healthy thing for me. Is it for anyone? Of course, there's the risk of making hasty, not well thought out decisions. A lot of people - Daughter One especially - doesn't like making decisions because she's worried about making the wrong one. Making a decision is such a relief but only if you are willing to live with and accept the consequences of it. Only if you can handle any potential regrets from that decision.
I told Daughter One that's the way I make decisions. When I was angsting over whether to have a third child, I asked myself the following question: "What would I regret more? Having a child or not having a child?" I knew I might regret not having another child but I would never - ever - regret having a child. No matter the hard work and sacrifice involved.
So, I said to her, "Which university would you regret NOT going to more?" A light went on in her eyes. I think I know which one she's going to pick. We'll see. I'll let you know.
Anyway, so that's the method I use to make a decision - thinking about which would be my greater regret. What helps you make those hard to make decisions?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
A Writer's "Would You Rather ... ?"
I became aware of a little game called "Would You Rather …?" a while ago on the radio where the hosts would ask listeners strange questions that had them make choices between two equally disgusting or silly things. For example, "Would you rather eat a dozen hard-boiled eggs in twenty minutes or one uncooked snail in a second?"
I was surprised at what people would choose to do when my choice would have been the opposite. It got me thinking of some questions to throw at writers and what 'rather' I'd pick. I'm going to try and stay away from disgusting food choices (although a debate between cheesies and M&M's might be fun) and keep them slightly realistic. I know the temptation will be to answer some of them "Well, I want both!" But that's the agony of the game! So, ready to play? Okay, here we go.
Writers, Would You Rather …
1. have your first published book take off like wildfire or have a slow, steady build?
2. have a fascinating, complex, page-turning plot or fascinating, complex characters that make you want to learn more about them?
3. write your first draft all in one, frenzied, three week rush or take a slower, steadier pace over a year?
4. have a universally panned book but have great sales or get universally good reviews but your book lives in obscurity?
5. blog twice a week or twitter daily? (remember you can't choose both!)
6. date Johnny Depp or Ryan Reynolds? (okay, for this one you can choose both)
I'll be fascinated to hear your choices. Oh! You want to know mine? Okay.
1. I'd want a slow, steady build not a first time flash. I need adjustment time!
2. Hard one, but even though I love my characters and, if they're done really well I would root for them even through a silly plot, I think I'd rather have a kick-ass plot. It's the engine that drives the whole book.
3. Even though I don't do it, I wish I could spew out a first draft in 3 weeks. Get that sucker over with.
4.I'd love the sales but if my writing sucks that bad that everyone pans it I'd find it hard to keep going.
5. Argh. Hard one again. I guess, Twitter. Writing blog posts is hard!
6. Sigh. Thank God I relented on the choice here. Both, of course.
So, are there any other difficult "Would You Rather…?" questions you can suggest?
I was surprised at what people would choose to do when my choice would have been the opposite. It got me thinking of some questions to throw at writers and what 'rather' I'd pick. I'm going to try and stay away from disgusting food choices (although a debate between cheesies and M&M's might be fun) and keep them slightly realistic. I know the temptation will be to answer some of them "Well, I want both!" But that's the agony of the game! So, ready to play? Okay, here we go.
Writers, Would You Rather …
1. have your first published book take off like wildfire or have a slow, steady build?
2. have a fascinating, complex, page-turning plot or fascinating, complex characters that make you want to learn more about them?
3. write your first draft all in one, frenzied, three week rush or take a slower, steadier pace over a year?
4. have a universally panned book but have great sales or get universally good reviews but your book lives in obscurity?
5. blog twice a week or twitter daily? (remember you can't choose both!)
6. date Johnny Depp or Ryan Reynolds? (okay, for this one you can choose both)
I'll be fascinated to hear your choices. Oh! You want to know mine? Okay.
1. I'd want a slow, steady build not a first time flash. I need adjustment time!
2. Hard one, but even though I love my characters and, if they're done really well I would root for them even through a silly plot, I think I'd rather have a kick-ass plot. It's the engine that drives the whole book.
3. Even though I don't do it, I wish I could spew out a first draft in 3 weeks. Get that sucker over with.
4.I'd love the sales but if my writing sucks that bad that everyone pans it I'd find it hard to keep going.
5. Argh. Hard one again. I guess, Twitter. Writing blog posts is hard!
6. Sigh. Thank God I relented on the choice here. Both, of course.
So, are there any other difficult "Would You Rather…?" questions you can suggest?
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Making Choices and Taking Control
When I started this journey to becoming a writer I believed that, in many ways, I would be powerless in the big machine that is the publishing industry. Writers often feel like it's other people who have the control over their destiny - over whether their book succeeds or fails, over whether they get a contract or not, get an agent, etc. More often than not, it feels like you don't have much choice over how things turn out. But after thinking about this a little more (and having a great discussion with the fabulous writers Helaine Becker and Claudia Osmond last night at the torkidlit tweet-up)I really don't believe that's true. I think writers have more control or choice in the direction our career takes than we believe.
The biggest choice writers make is the choice to be a writer. No one held a gun to our heads and made us take this path. And no one is holding that gun to our heads now. So when we complain about how hard and unforgiving this profession is - make a choice. Keep writing or don't. You're in control of that.
Some writers feel trapped in unpleasant or unfulfilling relationships with their agents or their critique groups or whatever. There is a choice there too. If you need to change your situation it is your choice to do so. No one said every decision would be easy. Heck, even choosing between two good things is hard. But, again, the point is that you can take control of your life by making a choice. And by choosing to do nothing that is also a choice. But don't say you can't control your outcome and then feel defeated by the situation.
Some writers talk about how their book wasn't publicized enough or it was lost on the shelves. What kind of choice do we as writers have there? Well, writers can try and market it as much as they can on their own - a choice many writers take. Some target a more manageable PR and marketing plan like developing an online network of writers who can support and publicize each other's books. Others let the fates - and the public - decide on whether the book will be found. That again is a choice. Whatever the outcome - success in book sales or not - you have still taken some control of the situation by making a choice.
Then there are the writers who choose to focus on the next book. Maybe they've decided to make it bigger, better, more commercial, more controversial, more this or that - whatever they choose to focus on no one else has decided that direction for them. And this may be the most powerful choice of all. We choose to write what we choose to write. That is completely within our control.
So the next time you think you're a cog in the wheel with someone else turning your life this way and that, think about it. Are you really that powerless? Really?
The biggest choice writers make is the choice to be a writer. No one held a gun to our heads and made us take this path. And no one is holding that gun to our heads now. So when we complain about how hard and unforgiving this profession is - make a choice. Keep writing or don't. You're in control of that.
Some writers feel trapped in unpleasant or unfulfilling relationships with their agents or their critique groups or whatever. There is a choice there too. If you need to change your situation it is your choice to do so. No one said every decision would be easy. Heck, even choosing between two good things is hard. But, again, the point is that you can take control of your life by making a choice. And by choosing to do nothing that is also a choice. But don't say you can't control your outcome and then feel defeated by the situation.
Some writers talk about how their book wasn't publicized enough or it was lost on the shelves. What kind of choice do we as writers have there? Well, writers can try and market it as much as they can on their own - a choice many writers take. Some target a more manageable PR and marketing plan like developing an online network of writers who can support and publicize each other's books. Others let the fates - and the public - decide on whether the book will be found. That again is a choice. Whatever the outcome - success in book sales or not - you have still taken some control of the situation by making a choice.
Then there are the writers who choose to focus on the next book. Maybe they've decided to make it bigger, better, more commercial, more controversial, more this or that - whatever they choose to focus on no one else has decided that direction for them. And this may be the most powerful choice of all. We choose to write what we choose to write. That is completely within our control.
So the next time you think you're a cog in the wheel with someone else turning your life this way and that, think about it. Are you really that powerless? Really?
Monday, March 15, 2010
What Being the Daughter of Immigrants Taught Me About Writing
I spent the first half of my life basically trying to ignore the fact that my parents were immigrants. I don't think I was alone in feeling that my cultural 'differentness' was not something I waved about with the pride that maybe I should have. Different language, different food, different family - these things, while I didn't denigrate to my english speaking, Protestant faith, Capital C Canadian friends I also didn't celebrate. I tried to ignore those aspects of my life by not really talking about them. I could never really forget them entirely, mind you. After all my name was a big red flag that shouted 'different'. Every time a friend came over and met my limited english speaking parents and knew a pig had just been slaughtered in the barn shouted 'different'. Every time I had to take part in the Portuguese club dances or functions or whatever the community had going said 'different'. To me, the fact that my parents were immigrants was always more of a liability in my younger days never a plus. I never thought about what their being immigrants could actually teach me. What a gift it was to me in becoming who I am today. A writer.
Next week I'll be sitting on my very first writers panel. It's being held at York University and the symposium's title is "Narratives of the Portuguese Diaspora: Emmigration and Identity." The writers panel is supposed to discuss how emmigration has affected our writing. I can certainly talk about my novel, the plot and themes and connect it all to the issues of emmigration specific to the Portuguese experience. But what this topic has really started me thinking about is how being the child of immigrants influenced me in taking the first step toward becoming a writer. The life lessons my parents immigant experience taught me - even if I didn't realize them at the time - they were invaluable and sustained me as I struggled through the last seven years.
So, what are those life lessons? First, and most importantly, ...
Have a Dream
My father and mother were raised during the depression and WWII years in abject poverty under an oppressive dictatorship. They truly had nothing but their family and their dreams to sustain them. My father dreamed of owning his own land one day - being his own boss. That dream sustained him when he was a young married man with a child to raise and no job to be found anywhere. That dream sustained him when faced with the most adverse conditions and experiences when he emmigrated. Experiences I never expect to be faced with but it taught me the importance of holding on to your dreams. I had a dream to write one day. That dream lived inside me until I was ready to ...
Take a Risk
Dreams are a wonderful thing to have but without following through on them - without taking a risk - that's all they are and they will remain just as insubstantial. My father took the biggest risk - leaving his young family and travelling to an unknown world, with an unknown language, to an unknown and harsh geography, with no definite job and no guarantees. My mother left her family - unwillingly. She took the greatest risk of all becaue she was terrified to leave the only home and place she'd ever known.
I took a risk and decided to stop dreaming and start writing. It was exhilerating and terrifying at the same time. But I was only able to continue because my parents taught me to …
Persevere When Faced with Adversity/Rejection
When my father first came here he traveled for the first year from city to city, town to town, from south to north and east to west - literally looking everywhere for a job. He was constantly told "No. I don't need you." "Try again next month." "Can't pay you what I said. Here's half of what I owe you." "Sorry. Thought I needed you but we're cutting back."
He never gave up looking. He persevered.
Reading a letter or email that says "Sorry. Not for me" about the novel you sweated bullets over is peanuts when I remember what my father and mother went through. Which leads directly to the next life lesson my immigrant parents taught me …
Always Work Hard
My dad took any job he could get. Mostly as an itinerant farm labourer for years until he finally got a job as a lumberjack in a remote logging community in Northern Ontario. A dangerous, risky job in horrendous conditions for years (one day I'm going to write about those stories he told me about). Then, finally, after achieving his dream of owning his own farm he still had to put in hours and hours of backbreaking labour while he also worked in an auto factory assembly line and then as a janitor. Four hours of sleep a night for years. Crushing debt for years. But what got him through those years was his never-ending, never-failing work ethic.
It taught me that if you work hard, if you take pride in doing jobs you hate but need to get your dream in the end - if you keep writing and do it well - you earn the respect of others, but mostly you earn something even more important: self-respect.
But it wasn't just about perseverance and hard work. My parents couldn't have survived without a critically important factor …
Join a Community
The Portuguese, like many immigrants who have left their families behind, join with others of their culture for support, for understanding, for comfort especially when faced with so many pressures that quitting and going back home seems like the best solution sometimes. But because you have others to commiserate with, others who share your struggles, it keeps you going for another day, another week, another year.
Writers understand the importance of communities and I, for one, knew that I needed the support and understanding of fellow writers if I was going to survive this journey.
But, ultimately, what I learned the most from my parents and their immigrant experience and what I carry over to my writing and through my writing is this …
Family is the Most Important Thing
No matter what you do, never let your dreams and the work that is involved in realizing those dreams, take precedence over your family. Even though I knew my parents worked abnormally hard at what they did - even though I sometimes resented having to help with so many tasks and didn't always have a parent to take me to the park or have vacations like my friends did - I always knew and felt that my parents were working so hard for me and my brother. Yes, it was their dream but we were also their dream and everything they did was for ultimately for us.
So, like a lot of things, you come to realizations much later than you should in life. Today I know I am a writer because my immigrant parents taught me to have a dream, take a risk, peresevere, work hard, join a community and put your family first. They taught me well.
Obrigado, Mae and Pai!
Next week I'll be sitting on my very first writers panel. It's being held at York University and the symposium's title is "Narratives of the Portuguese Diaspora: Emmigration and Identity." The writers panel is supposed to discuss how emmigration has affected our writing. I can certainly talk about my novel, the plot and themes and connect it all to the issues of emmigration specific to the Portuguese experience. But what this topic has really started me thinking about is how being the child of immigrants influenced me in taking the first step toward becoming a writer. The life lessons my parents immigant experience taught me - even if I didn't realize them at the time - they were invaluable and sustained me as I struggled through the last seven years.
So, what are those life lessons? First, and most importantly, ...
Have a Dream
My father and mother were raised during the depression and WWII years in abject poverty under an oppressive dictatorship. They truly had nothing but their family and their dreams to sustain them. My father dreamed of owning his own land one day - being his own boss. That dream sustained him when he was a young married man with a child to raise and no job to be found anywhere. That dream sustained him when faced with the most adverse conditions and experiences when he emmigrated. Experiences I never expect to be faced with but it taught me the importance of holding on to your dreams. I had a dream to write one day. That dream lived inside me until I was ready to ...
Take a Risk
Dreams are a wonderful thing to have but without following through on them - without taking a risk - that's all they are and they will remain just as insubstantial. My father took the biggest risk - leaving his young family and travelling to an unknown world, with an unknown language, to an unknown and harsh geography, with no definite job and no guarantees. My mother left her family - unwillingly. She took the greatest risk of all becaue she was terrified to leave the only home and place she'd ever known.
I took a risk and decided to stop dreaming and start writing. It was exhilerating and terrifying at the same time. But I was only able to continue because my parents taught me to …
Persevere When Faced with Adversity/Rejection
When my father first came here he traveled for the first year from city to city, town to town, from south to north and east to west - literally looking everywhere for a job. He was constantly told "No. I don't need you." "Try again next month." "Can't pay you what I said. Here's half of what I owe you." "Sorry. Thought I needed you but we're cutting back."
He never gave up looking. He persevered.
Reading a letter or email that says "Sorry. Not for me" about the novel you sweated bullets over is peanuts when I remember what my father and mother went through. Which leads directly to the next life lesson my immigrant parents taught me …
Always Work Hard
My dad took any job he could get. Mostly as an itinerant farm labourer for years until he finally got a job as a lumberjack in a remote logging community in Northern Ontario. A dangerous, risky job in horrendous conditions for years (one day I'm going to write about those stories he told me about). Then, finally, after achieving his dream of owning his own farm he still had to put in hours and hours of backbreaking labour while he also worked in an auto factory assembly line and then as a janitor. Four hours of sleep a night for years. Crushing debt for years. But what got him through those years was his never-ending, never-failing work ethic.
It taught me that if you work hard, if you take pride in doing jobs you hate but need to get your dream in the end - if you keep writing and do it well - you earn the respect of others, but mostly you earn something even more important: self-respect.
But it wasn't just about perseverance and hard work. My parents couldn't have survived without a critically important factor …
Join a Community
The Portuguese, like many immigrants who have left their families behind, join with others of their culture for support, for understanding, for comfort especially when faced with so many pressures that quitting and going back home seems like the best solution sometimes. But because you have others to commiserate with, others who share your struggles, it keeps you going for another day, another week, another year.
Writers understand the importance of communities and I, for one, knew that I needed the support and understanding of fellow writers if I was going to survive this journey.
But, ultimately, what I learned the most from my parents and their immigrant experience and what I carry over to my writing and through my writing is this …
Family is the Most Important Thing
No matter what you do, never let your dreams and the work that is involved in realizing those dreams, take precedence over your family. Even though I knew my parents worked abnormally hard at what they did - even though I sometimes resented having to help with so many tasks and didn't always have a parent to take me to the park or have vacations like my friends did - I always knew and felt that my parents were working so hard for me and my brother. Yes, it was their dream but we were also their dream and everything they did was for ultimately for us.
So, like a lot of things, you come to realizations much later than you should in life. Today I know I am a writer because my immigrant parents taught me to have a dream, take a risk, peresevere, work hard, join a community and put your family first. They taught me well.
Obrigado, Mae and Pai!
Monday, March 1, 2010
On the Terrifying Cusp of Change
It's March 1st. I can't quite believe it. Spring is around the corner. I can feel the changes coming in the air (cue Phil Collins music here). ILLEGALLY BLONDE releases in T-minus 30 days. On March 25th I'll be making my first appearance on a writer's panel at a local university to discuss how immigration affected my writing. I'm starting to plan my book launch (in April) but I'm also dealing with things like ordering bookmarks, putting together information packages about my book and me, the author. Weirdness times ten. Yes, it will be a month of huge firsts and highly stressful yet exciting changes in my life. I can't quite believe these things are happening. Even my horoscope is hinting at these events. Check this out:
The month ends with big news about your career. The full moon on March 29 will illuminate your standing in your industry, your company, or concerning a job you have interviewed for. You will get answers now, and if you get a new job (very possible), the position you will move into is likely to be one that comes with quite a bit of responsibility. It will bring you lucrative ways to make money, too, and it seems to include a performance-based commission or bonus. Your new job won't be an easy one - you will have to adjust and learn as you go - but this new job will come with power and authority. That's the kind of job that is right up your ally, so snap it up.
Yes. Adjust and learn as you go. That's really the crux of this whole writing journey, isn't it?
There should be a bloody manual that all new writers get before they put pen to paper/fingers to keyboard for the first time that talks about the terrifying emotional journey you take as a writer. Sure, there is a wealth of knowledge, information, support and advice in the writing community. You can research how to write query letters, how to structure novels, how to market, how to network etc. etc. etc. but until you go through it, until you experience the jaw-dropping amount of information you have to accumulate, until you experience the joy and agony of the query and manuscript submission process, until you experience the difficulty in putting yourself out there when you may be introverted or overwhelmed by the daunting impossibility of having your book be noticed in the sea of books being released, until you realize it's not just the writing of the story anymore, you could literally throw that pen or keyboard away and say "Forget it. It's too much. It's just too much."
And yet.
Adjust and learn as you go.
Every new thing learned requires some kind of adjustment. And in order to grow we need to learn. So, yes, this is a terrifying time for me - and probably for a lot of writers proceeding on the next step of the publishing journey, whatever that may be. Submitting to an agent can be terrifying. But once you do it a few times it's not so bad. Revising a manuscript can seem impossibly daunting. And it is. But once you do it you are that much more likely to be better at it the next time. Never marketed yourself before? Never blogged, never tweeted, never walked up to strangers at conferences and introduced yourself, never sat on a writers panel? Do it once and it is scary, do it a few times and it does get easier. At least I hope so! :)
Adjust and learn as you go. Yes. I think that's going to be my mantra for the next month. Maybe the next few years.
The month ends with big news about your career. The full moon on March 29 will illuminate your standing in your industry, your company, or concerning a job you have interviewed for. You will get answers now, and if you get a new job (very possible), the position you will move into is likely to be one that comes with quite a bit of responsibility. It will bring you lucrative ways to make money, too, and it seems to include a performance-based commission or bonus. Your new job won't be an easy one - you will have to adjust and learn as you go - but this new job will come with power and authority. That's the kind of job that is right up your ally, so snap it up.
Yes. Adjust and learn as you go. That's really the crux of this whole writing journey, isn't it?
There should be a bloody manual that all new writers get before they put pen to paper/fingers to keyboard for the first time that talks about the terrifying emotional journey you take as a writer. Sure, there is a wealth of knowledge, information, support and advice in the writing community. You can research how to write query letters, how to structure novels, how to market, how to network etc. etc. etc. but until you go through it, until you experience the jaw-dropping amount of information you have to accumulate, until you experience the joy and agony of the query and manuscript submission process, until you experience the difficulty in putting yourself out there when you may be introverted or overwhelmed by the daunting impossibility of having your book be noticed in the sea of books being released, until you realize it's not just the writing of the story anymore, you could literally throw that pen or keyboard away and say "Forget it. It's too much. It's just too much."
And yet.
Adjust and learn as you go.
Every new thing learned requires some kind of adjustment. And in order to grow we need to learn. So, yes, this is a terrifying time for me - and probably for a lot of writers proceeding on the next step of the publishing journey, whatever that may be. Submitting to an agent can be terrifying. But once you do it a few times it's not so bad. Revising a manuscript can seem impossibly daunting. And it is. But once you do it you are that much more likely to be better at it the next time. Never marketed yourself before? Never blogged, never tweeted, never walked up to strangers at conferences and introduced yourself, never sat on a writers panel? Do it once and it is scary, do it a few times and it does get easier. At least I hope so! :)
Adjust and learn as you go. Yes. I think that's going to be my mantra for the next month. Maybe the next few years.
Monday, January 18, 2010
We Live Who We Believe We Are
http://tonyrobbinstraining.com/468/new-year-new-life-2
A wonderful thing about Twitter - you get sent these terrific links that you'd probably never come across otherwise. The amazing Michelle Rowen retweeted this Tony Robbins link to a free video on his website that was so insipirational (duh - what else would it be. It's Tony Robbins!) - I had to write about it in a blog post.
There were dozens of quotes in this video that made me finally understand why Tony Robbins is such a force in the change your life, be who you want to be world. Yeah, there are so many "power of positive thinking" speakers and writers out there but I finally got what makes Tony Robbins different. He doesn't just say "Think and it will be" it's more like "Work at what you want to become". That message is much more empowering to me than just thinking about something.
The most important message in this video to me was about Raising Your Standards. You are only as good as what you think you are or want to do. But it's not just about raising standards. You have to back up standards with rituals. Visions need rituals. THAT's where the power is - it's the little things you do every day that help you succeed. You want to write a book? It's not enough to say that. You have to write - every day or whatever your ritual will be - to accomplish it. You want to write a better book than the last one? Raise Your Standards and figure out what will make the next book bigger, better, and stronger. The only thing that will make you happy is if you step up - always progress.
There were so many quotes to get inspiration from but here are just a choice few that resonated with me:
People are rewarded in public for what they do in private.
Great ideas don't interrupt you - you have to chase them.
Success and failure are not giant events. Failure comes from the little things we DON'T do.
There is the pain of discipline and there is the pain of regret. Which do you think is worse?
Demand more from yourself than anybody else.
It's not what we get that makes us happy - it's who we become.
So on the day that's supposed to be the most depressing day of the year, I am instead feeling hopeful, motivated and inspired. And it doesn't hurt that all the amazing writing awards like the William C. Morris, Newberry, Printz etc. were awarded to some awesome writers. Writers that are also an inspiration.
Live who you believe you are. All the rest will follow...
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Choosing Your Life Path
Daughter One has been checking out universities for the last little while in anticipation of one of the biggest decisions of her life - where will she spend the next four years and what will she study? In essence, what will be the launch pad to the rest of her life?
Pretty scary intimidating stuff and not something to undertake with little to no thought. But as I try to mellow her anxiety out a little I do think back and consider what if? What if I'd studied somewhere else, something else all those years ago, what path would my life have taken? And even though I think I might have turned to writing earlier or, perhaps, not at all, or I might have become an actress or gone into behind the scenes television production or, or, or, ... I always come back to the thought "It doesn't matter what choice you made. It matters that you had a choice."
All the wrong turns, the right turns, the turns you didn't even know you were making at the time, eventually, I believe,lead you to the path that is calling the strongest to you. I want to reassure One that no decision is completely irreversible. Mistakes happen but you learn and grow from those too. At the best the mistaken paths show you where you don't want to go!
In the end, all I can tell her is that this big decision is one of many, many more in her life. But it is not the be all and end all. It will take her on one path of many to come and whatever happens on it she will learn and grow from it.
While having choices is confusing and making a choice is hard having no choices at all is the worst thing in the world. Embrace the possibilities that life offers and your life path will eventually reveal itself.
And the best thing of all? You make the decisions.
Pretty scary intimidating stuff and not something to undertake with little to no thought. But as I try to mellow her anxiety out a little I do think back and consider what if? What if I'd studied somewhere else, something else all those years ago, what path would my life have taken? And even though I think I might have turned to writing earlier or, perhaps, not at all, or I might have become an actress or gone into behind the scenes television production or, or, or, ... I always come back to the thought "It doesn't matter what choice you made. It matters that you had a choice."
All the wrong turns, the right turns, the turns you didn't even know you were making at the time, eventually, I believe,lead you to the path that is calling the strongest to you. I want to reassure One that no decision is completely irreversible. Mistakes happen but you learn and grow from those too. At the best the mistaken paths show you where you don't want to go!
In the end, all I can tell her is that this big decision is one of many, many more in her life. But it is not the be all and end all. It will take her on one path of many to come and whatever happens on it she will learn and grow from it.
While having choices is confusing and making a choice is hard having no choices at all is the worst thing in the world. Embrace the possibilities that life offers and your life path will eventually reveal itself.
And the best thing of all? You make the decisions.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Moments that Change Your Life
Susan Miller's horoscope always has interesting tidbits each month that make me think. This bit really resonated with me:
Change is an essential element of life, for the planets continually are on the move. Think back to times you were forced to make changes and worried, only to see that change brought you into an exciting new sphere, and that it was all for good. You probably ended up thankful that you were asked to make them.
Truer words never spoken and all that. I really believe we are always going through a process of change even if we don't realize it. Change can happen instantaneously - you meet the love of your life, a car accident takes someone from you, you get The Call. Whatever the situation, those moments sear into your psyche and forever change your life. Or the change happens slowly, over a number of years, water wearing away stone to new and, hopefully, interesting shapes.
But what I find most interesting are the moments of change that happen in childhood or adolescence. Duh. Why I write YA fiction I guess. We get 18 years of that precious, hopefully magical and not horrendous, time yet we (or at least I) only remember snapshots and snippets of the day to day life. But it's those moments that you might be quite happy completely forgetting about (ie. Most embarrassing, Most disappointing, Most traumatic) that I find most interesting. Because it's those more distressing moments that will be the one(s) that end up being the most potent. The moment(s) that you can look back on later (maybe much later) and eventually say, "I'm glad that happened. I learned and grew from that. Even if it almost killed me."
I have such a moment and every time I think I'm too afraid to do something, or want to avoid a challenge because I'm going to stress over it too much I think about it. So what was the big moment? I tried out for - and won - the female lead in my high school musical, Man of La Mancha.
What's traumatic about that, you say? Sounds like a happy ever after story, right? Um, not so much. For one thing, I was a very anxious, worry-prone kid. To the point that I would literally get sick to my stomach before performances or speeches. I loved theatre arts though. Dreamed of being an actress one day. But how was I supposed to follow my dream if I got so worried about it that I couldn't go out on stage? I don't know what made me try out - maybe I thought I wouldn't get it. Maybe because all my friends were trying out too. Who knows? But when I got the news that I was the lead (and, let's not forget it was a musical and I wasn't the world's best singer by a long shot) I was, to say the least, floored.
I seriously considered dropping out. But when my Mom found out she said that wouldn't be the right thing to do. I'd tried out and had made a commitment from that point on - I had to live up to it. But I don't think she knew how absolutely terrified I was about performing - gah, and singing! - in front of 300 people a night for 3 nights. I was seriously hoping to get a semi-life threatening disease so I could back out. Unfortunately, I wasn't struck down with pneumonia and the play had to go on.
The week before opening night I barely ate. Only then did my mother start to re-think her earlier advice to me (Portuguese mother's don't like it when their children do not eat) but it was way too late to make excuses by then. Opening night loomed large and monstrous in front of me. I spent the hour before the curtains rose in the girls washroom wondering how I could lock myself in and still be able to face my friends the next day. I spent the final few minutes while the orchestra finished its opening overture pacing backstage, muttering to people "Don't talk to me" (I had this awful belief that if someone spoke to me I would be sick on site). Somehow, someway I made it through the performance. I don't remember much of it. And for each of the 3 performances I went through the same process: washroom, pacing, muttering, performing. And somehow I got rave reviews.
But it's not the praise I received for the performance that I think about now. What I think about most is my final thought as I took my final bow on the final night of the musical. As I stared out at the audience, exhausted, emotionally spent, feeling utter relief that the horror was over, seeing my mother standing and cheering me on, having come every night to support me, I thought:
"If I can make it through this, I can make it through anything."
And from that moment on, my anxiety and worry lessened. Not overnight, but over time. I still worry about things but that moment when I'd faced one of my greatest fears - and faced it head on every night for three nights - became a defining moment in my life. A moment of change. There are others, of course, but that was a biggie for me. Maybe the first big moment of change that led to a lot of things I never thought I would do in my life. And I thought, at the time, that it was a horrible experience.
So when my kids face pressures, challenges, dilemmas, or outright defeats, I always think: "Is this their moment of change?" "Will they learn and grow from it?" "Will it make them better people?" I think back to my first big moment of change and wonder where I would be if I hadn't faced my fear. And I'm always - always - thankful I did.
Change is an essential element of life, for the planets continually are on the move. Think back to times you were forced to make changes and worried, only to see that change brought you into an exciting new sphere, and that it was all for good. You probably ended up thankful that you were asked to make them.
Truer words never spoken and all that. I really believe we are always going through a process of change even if we don't realize it. Change can happen instantaneously - you meet the love of your life, a car accident takes someone from you, you get The Call. Whatever the situation, those moments sear into your psyche and forever change your life. Or the change happens slowly, over a number of years, water wearing away stone to new and, hopefully, interesting shapes.
But what I find most interesting are the moments of change that happen in childhood or adolescence. Duh. Why I write YA fiction I guess. We get 18 years of that precious, hopefully magical and not horrendous, time yet we (or at least I) only remember snapshots and snippets of the day to day life. But it's those moments that you might be quite happy completely forgetting about (ie. Most embarrassing, Most disappointing, Most traumatic) that I find most interesting. Because it's those more distressing moments that will be the one(s) that end up being the most potent. The moment(s) that you can look back on later (maybe much later) and eventually say, "I'm glad that happened. I learned and grew from that. Even if it almost killed me."
I have such a moment and every time I think I'm too afraid to do something, or want to avoid a challenge because I'm going to stress over it too much I think about it. So what was the big moment? I tried out for - and won - the female lead in my high school musical, Man of La Mancha.
What's traumatic about that, you say? Sounds like a happy ever after story, right? Um, not so much. For one thing, I was a very anxious, worry-prone kid. To the point that I would literally get sick to my stomach before performances or speeches. I loved theatre arts though. Dreamed of being an actress one day. But how was I supposed to follow my dream if I got so worried about it that I couldn't go out on stage? I don't know what made me try out - maybe I thought I wouldn't get it. Maybe because all my friends were trying out too. Who knows? But when I got the news that I was the lead (and, let's not forget it was a musical and I wasn't the world's best singer by a long shot) I was, to say the least, floored.
I seriously considered dropping out. But when my Mom found out she said that wouldn't be the right thing to do. I'd tried out and had made a commitment from that point on - I had to live up to it. But I don't think she knew how absolutely terrified I was about performing - gah, and singing! - in front of 300 people a night for 3 nights. I was seriously hoping to get a semi-life threatening disease so I could back out. Unfortunately, I wasn't struck down with pneumonia and the play had to go on.
The week before opening night I barely ate. Only then did my mother start to re-think her earlier advice to me (Portuguese mother's don't like it when their children do not eat) but it was way too late to make excuses by then. Opening night loomed large and monstrous in front of me. I spent the hour before the curtains rose in the girls washroom wondering how I could lock myself in and still be able to face my friends the next day. I spent the final few minutes while the orchestra finished its opening overture pacing backstage, muttering to people "Don't talk to me" (I had this awful belief that if someone spoke to me I would be sick on site). Somehow, someway I made it through the performance. I don't remember much of it. And for each of the 3 performances I went through the same process: washroom, pacing, muttering, performing. And somehow I got rave reviews.
But it's not the praise I received for the performance that I think about now. What I think about most is my final thought as I took my final bow on the final night of the musical. As I stared out at the audience, exhausted, emotionally spent, feeling utter relief that the horror was over, seeing my mother standing and cheering me on, having come every night to support me, I thought:
"If I can make it through this, I can make it through anything."
And from that moment on, my anxiety and worry lessened. Not overnight, but over time. I still worry about things but that moment when I'd faced one of my greatest fears - and faced it head on every night for three nights - became a defining moment in my life. A moment of change. There are others, of course, but that was a biggie for me. Maybe the first big moment of change that led to a lot of things I never thought I would do in my life. And I thought, at the time, that it was a horrible experience.
So when my kids face pressures, challenges, dilemmas, or outright defeats, I always think: "Is this their moment of change?" "Will they learn and grow from it?" "Will it make them better people?" I think back to my first big moment of change and wonder where I would be if I hadn't faced my fear. And I'm always - always - thankful I did.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Would You Like to Be 17 Again?
So I just saw the movie 17 Again on the weekend with my girls (boy had to tag along too but it was fine - there's basketball and goofy guy stuff in it so he was okay. Not too much icky kissing stuff. Which, of course, disappointed the girls). I really enjoyed it. Funnier than I expected and I predict Zac Efron is going to be more than just a teen idol star. He has that certain screen presence and enough talent that makes him able to carry a movie on his own. I found it unbelievable though that he would ever morph into looking like Matthew Perry at 35. Nuh-uh. Sorry, Matthew.
Anyway, this post is not about reviewing the movie. What I've been thinking about since I saw it was whether, if given the chance, I'd ever like to be 17 again. If I had a chance at a do-over would I take it? In this movie, the 35 year old Matthew Perry does. He's regretted a lot of choices in his life - one in particular - and looks back at a major turning point in his 17 year old self that set him on a path that he felt wasn't his true path. Suddenly, he gets a chance to relive his life. Would this be a good thing?
Now most of us probably have something we wish we'd done or hadn't done or tried or wish we'd tried for but didn't that might have changed our life path. But would it have been for the better? It's like when we're plotting out a book - if the hero does this then this or this could happen. But what if he does this instead? Argh! A person could go crazy with the choices made or not made in ones life.
In my case, I might have changed a few things - like going away to university instead of staying at home.
But then... would I have moved to Toronto after I graduated? Would I have met my husband, had my amazing children?
Hmmm…
Or I might have made my 17 year old self take that creative writing program instead of majoring in English Literature and studying other writer's and avoiding writing something of my own. Maybe if I'd have started the craft earlier I would be further ahead right now.
But then... would I have become discouraged too quickly because I was still young and naïve and impatient and too interested in travel and just having fun? Would I have been able to keep the discipline my older self developed after having children that drove me to write and keep writing? Maybe my life path was supposed to take a later course for writing and not one that started in high school.
Hmmmm…
Maybe that's why I became a writer of teenage fiction. I'll never get the chance to be 17 again but I can live vicariously through my characters and make them experience the consequences of choices that I'll never be faced with again. Yeah. 17 might be a great age but I don't think I'd want to go back there.
But then ... there is that whole eat-what-you-want-without-consequences aspect to it.
Hmmm….
Anyway, this post is not about reviewing the movie. What I've been thinking about since I saw it was whether, if given the chance, I'd ever like to be 17 again. If I had a chance at a do-over would I take it? In this movie, the 35 year old Matthew Perry does. He's regretted a lot of choices in his life - one in particular - and looks back at a major turning point in his 17 year old self that set him on a path that he felt wasn't his true path. Suddenly, he gets a chance to relive his life. Would this be a good thing?
Now most of us probably have something we wish we'd done or hadn't done or tried or wish we'd tried for but didn't that might have changed our life path. But would it have been for the better? It's like when we're plotting out a book - if the hero does this then this or this could happen. But what if he does this instead? Argh! A person could go crazy with the choices made or not made in ones life.
In my case, I might have changed a few things - like going away to university instead of staying at home.
But then... would I have moved to Toronto after I graduated? Would I have met my husband, had my amazing children?
Hmmm…
Or I might have made my 17 year old self take that creative writing program instead of majoring in English Literature and studying other writer's and avoiding writing something of my own. Maybe if I'd have started the craft earlier I would be further ahead right now.
But then... would I have become discouraged too quickly because I was still young and naïve and impatient and too interested in travel and just having fun? Would I have been able to keep the discipline my older self developed after having children that drove me to write and keep writing? Maybe my life path was supposed to take a later course for writing and not one that started in high school.
Hmmmm…
Maybe that's why I became a writer of teenage fiction. I'll never get the chance to be 17 again but I can live vicariously through my characters and make them experience the consequences of choices that I'll never be faced with again. Yeah. 17 might be a great age but I don't think I'd want to go back there.
But then ... there is that whole eat-what-you-want-without-consequences aspect to it.
Hmmm….
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)