Sometimes horoscopes are just too freaky for words. Check out my horoscope for this week, especially for tomorrow, the release date for Illegally Blonde:
Tuesday produces one of the more influential full moons of the year. At this time you could find yourself reflecting on the success of your labours and considering laying down new foundations for the future. Saturn's imprint is on events so, on the one hand, you may be adding to your responsibilities and taking on a more significant role yet, on the other, you could feel somewhat disappointed. In the case of the latter, do not discard a project in the heat of the moment. April's stars are gentler on the Capricorn Goat and you could discover that contrary to your first impressions there is plenty of life left in one of your plans.
Okay, I know that people can read whatever they want to in their horoscopes but in my current circumstances and headspace this seems pretty dead on accurate to me. I will indeed be reflecting on the last few years as IB releases and trying to figure out the future and what might be in store for me. What writer doesn't when their first book is about to head out into the world? And that whole 'feeling somewhat disappointed' business? It's not that I won't be excited about the official release of IB but I know this is a long hard road and I'm realistic about what might - or might not - happen. Like someone I know who's seen many, many book releases told me it's a bit like post-partum depression. You've been looking forward to this date for years and now that the baby's arrived you might feel inexplicably let down. I don't think I'll feel that but it does and will feel very much like any other day except when I remember: Oh! The book is out. It's really out!
I've also been really struggling with my current WIP and thinking seriously about putting it aside for now -especially with all the distractions my first book release is offering. I really do hope that there is still "plenty of life" left in this project like my horoscope suggests but with all the distractions IB has been throwing in front of me lately it has been sadly neglected. I hope to get back my writing mojo and concentrate on those things rather than book launch prep, bookmarks, and gazing at shiny new book covers!
I think the reason I'm looking more towards horoscopes right now and trying to get a feel for the future is because I'm slightly anxious about the whole thing and I'd like someone (even an online astrology site) to tell me what's going to happen. I know there will be many new and exciting things to look forward to but uncertainty and the whole 'it's out of my hands' feeling leaves me at a bit of a loss right now. So I'm retreating a bit - becoming a little more reflective - probably when I should be shouting out to the world "Hey! Whoo HOO! Let's party!"
But not right now. Not quite yet.
I know I'll get to that point of ecstatic celebration and it'll be a heck of a ride with many friends and family there to share it with me (Book launch on April 25th! YAY! More details later). But for now I am taking a deep breath, being a bit more reflective of what this not insignificant event means and what it might - or might not - change in my life. It may not change anything in my future at all, really. But even if it doesn't I know what has led up to it has already changed me. Writing and publishing a book has opened my life up in so many different ways. I've met so many new and interesting people I'd never have had the opportunity to meet otherwise. I'm already changed, I hope, for the better. And because of that, I think I owe it to myself to reflect a little this week. To dream a little bit about the future but mostly, to appreciate my incredible good fortune on having gotten this far and understanding how special this moment really is. The past informs our future and while we can't live in it we must surely appreciate what has happened to us to get us here and to keep us going in the futue.
So tomorrow, when the book is officially 'out' I may just be sitting quietly at home, not doing anything much beyond spending time with my kids and husband and thinking to myself: Nelsa, you're a very, very lucky girl.