Daughter One finished her last exam yesterday and I'll be picking her up from university tomorrow to bring her back home for the summer. I am both excited and apprehensive about this. Excited because I've missed her and our chats about movies, life, books, clothes and whatnot. Apprehensive because she's been away, living as an almost adult, for over 8 months now and is used to coming and going as she sees fit and not having a worried mom and dad looking over her shoulder every second of the day. Now, she'll be living with us again and we have to settle into a new family dynamic. I really don't know how this will turn out.
I've discovered in the time D1 has been away that a life of blissful ignorance for parents can be a really good thing. When she first left I'd be texting and calling frequently, mostly to see if all was going well and to be assured she was adjusting to life in the dorm and away from home. I needn't have worried. D1 was ready to leave home at 10. She has LOVED her first year at university and, I think, if she could she'd stay there year round and be perfectly happy to do so. It's not that she doesn't love us but she's had a fabulous year and is already excited and planning her involvement with the university for her second year coming up in September. The only thing she's really excited about in coming home for the summer is getting a job and making some money :)
So,in the past eight months I've become used to worrying about her from a distance which is a totally different kind of worry than when a child is home. The transition from child to adult is hard enough on the teen but, my God, as a parent I'm struggling with it now that she's coming home from such a long time away. How much do I get involved in her life now? What do I need to know about what she's doing while living under my roof? How do rules apply to her as opposed to her other two, younger siblings?
I've already promised her that I will try and be as laid back as my control-oriented personality will allow. All I told her was, "Please, just let me know if you'll be home late and text me if you are staying at a friend's house otherwise I'll get absolutely no sleep this summer." She assured me that since all her friends are of legal age now to go out to clubs and she's got to wait until later in the year not to worry she won't be out that late. Yeah, right. Like she'll be hanging out at the library when her friends are out partying. Uh-huh.
But, as any parent who is lucky enough to still have a decent relationship with their kids as they hit this young adulthood age, we have to remember that we are blessed to see them progressing not only in age but hopefully in wisdom. I only hope some of that wisdom rubs off on me too.
So as my prodigal daughter returns I ask the universe to grant me the following wishes:
Please let me have the wisdom to keep my mouth shut when I need to.
Please let me know when to prod and ask her to talk about things that may be bothering her.
Please let me understand that she won't want to talk to Mom about many things. And please let me be okay with that.
Please let me remember that I am also evolving as a mother and that our relationship is evolving (or should be) as well.
Please let me remember that she is still only 'almost' an adult and won't necessarily always speak or behave as one all the time.
Please let her do her own laundry.
Those are pretty reasonable wishes, right? Well, maybe I was pushing it on the laundry one ...
Showing posts with label expectations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label expectations. Show all posts
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
A Hit Book Series - Is the World Your Oyster or are you Pigeon-holed?
I just read this article about Jeff Kinney and his musings on life and writing with the Diary of a Wimpy Kid franchise going stronger than ever. He describes the surreal moment of seeing his main character Greg Heffley as a giant helium balloon floating over him in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and he mused
"That was a real moment of joy, along with a feeling of ‘It can’t possibly get any bigger than this.’"
He's working on the sixth Wimpy Kid book now, which by any stretch of the imagination is a wonderful, every-writer-wants-this-kind-of-success, story. And yet, Mr. Kinney said he'd also like to write a non-Greg sitcome and feature film. "“I don’t want Wimpy Kid to be my one thing.”
Which brings up an interesting question: Does a mega successful series mean it will be harder or easier to do something else? Will you be pigeon-holed for life? And always found wanting?
Of course not, you say. There are many examples of writers writing other things beyond their successful series or novels. But what are the odds that the next thing you write would be just as successful as that hit series? The expectations from readers are huge. Writing that Wimpy Kid, Percy Jackson, Hunger Games or, the mother of all hit series, Harry Potter, is like catching lightning in a bottle - so rare, so once in a lifetime, that writing two hit book series is a rare, rare beast. But who cares, you say? That author got five, six or seven books out of this lightning. Years of being a successful writer. Mega bucks. Mega fame. Complete nirvana. And yet…
Would that kind of fame and success be stifling creatively? I mean we all know what happened to Harper Lee (author of To Kill a Mockingbird) right? And that was just one book that did it to her. Having a series success, a series success that builds with each book mind you, that has to be even more stifling and stress-inducing. You've spent years only writing about these characters, this one world, questions must enter the authors mind when the series is over like: Will I ever be able to write another story? Will it ever be as big as the one before? Will anyone accept another character's world as they did the first one?
I know how hard it is to emerge from even one story and then start another so I can't imagine spending YEARS writing about the same characters and then, all of a sudden, switching to completely different ones. The worry about repeating things/character types because they've become so ingrained in your writing repertoire must always be lurking at the back of the author's mind. I know the last time I read an interview with J.K. Rowling she was writing an adult crime/mystery novel I think. Maybe the answer is to go off with a completely different genre like she's doing and keep challenging yourself as an artist by trying new and different things. But I haven't heard anything about a new J.K. Rowling book coming out. And Stephanie Myers seems to have become a recluse. Hmmm.
I guess what's important to remember is, as Mr. Kinney said, as long as what you wrote before doesn't become your 'one' thing, you can appreciate that success and try not to let it defeat you, then keep creating more 'things'. And maybe keep your perspective by not expecting the next thing to be a big thing.
What do you think? Would writing a hit series be the be and end all for you? Or just the end?
"That was a real moment of joy, along with a feeling of ‘It can’t possibly get any bigger than this.’"
He's working on the sixth Wimpy Kid book now, which by any stretch of the imagination is a wonderful, every-writer-wants-this-kind-of-success, story. And yet, Mr. Kinney said he'd also like to write a non-Greg sitcome and feature film. "“I don’t want Wimpy Kid to be my one thing.”
Which brings up an interesting question: Does a mega successful series mean it will be harder or easier to do something else? Will you be pigeon-holed for life? And always found wanting?
Of course not, you say. There are many examples of writers writing other things beyond their successful series or novels. But what are the odds that the next thing you write would be just as successful as that hit series? The expectations from readers are huge. Writing that Wimpy Kid, Percy Jackson, Hunger Games or, the mother of all hit series, Harry Potter, is like catching lightning in a bottle - so rare, so once in a lifetime, that writing two hit book series is a rare, rare beast. But who cares, you say? That author got five, six or seven books out of this lightning. Years of being a successful writer. Mega bucks. Mega fame. Complete nirvana. And yet…
Would that kind of fame and success be stifling creatively? I mean we all know what happened to Harper Lee (author of To Kill a Mockingbird) right? And that was just one book that did it to her. Having a series success, a series success that builds with each book mind you, that has to be even more stifling and stress-inducing. You've spent years only writing about these characters, this one world, questions must enter the authors mind when the series is over like: Will I ever be able to write another story? Will it ever be as big as the one before? Will anyone accept another character's world as they did the first one?
I know how hard it is to emerge from even one story and then start another so I can't imagine spending YEARS writing about the same characters and then, all of a sudden, switching to completely different ones. The worry about repeating things/character types because they've become so ingrained in your writing repertoire must always be lurking at the back of the author's mind. I know the last time I read an interview with J.K. Rowling she was writing an adult crime/mystery novel I think. Maybe the answer is to go off with a completely different genre like she's doing and keep challenging yourself as an artist by trying new and different things. But I haven't heard anything about a new J.K. Rowling book coming out. And Stephanie Myers seems to have become a recluse. Hmmm.
I guess what's important to remember is, as Mr. Kinney said, as long as what you wrote before doesn't become your 'one' thing, you can appreciate that success and try not to let it defeat you, then keep creating more 'things'. And maybe keep your perspective by not expecting the next thing to be a big thing.
What do you think? Would writing a hit series be the be and end all for you? Or just the end?
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Keeping Things in Perspective
Even though I didn't make any New Year's resolutions, I had high hopes that 2011 would start off with a fresh, positive outlook. Instead I've had a few days where a disappointment or two has dampened my enthusiasm and challenged me to keep my chin up and say, "hey, tomorrow is another day. Life is not as bad as you think. In fact it's pretty darned good." I hear heart wrenching stories about families who've lost loved ones and others who have so little and think, "There but for the grace of God go I..." So when these small - and I do mean small - disappointments (in people, in events) take place why is it sometimes so hard to shrug them off?
For me, keeping things in perspective is a constant battle. I am, truly, a very practical person and understand that sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes the world works a certain way and we have to accept that a certain journey is not always going to go smoothly. It may, for me, be a control issue. Many times, the disappointments that happen are out of my control, or belong to other people who I don't want to see hurt, and my heart breaks for them, and for my inability to 'fix it', to make it better for them. This is when I have to remind myself that I can only control my reaction to events - not the events themselves. For a control freak like me that is a really hard lesson to learn. It is a constant struggle to turn a negative into a positive and to not dwell on things and I'm in awe of those people who can remain upbeat in the most dire of circumstances.
Perhaps, this is just one of those things I will always need to work on and some days I may be able to do it. Other days it may slip from my grasp. But whatever day I happen to be living in, I need to remind myself that I have been blessed with a good life - not a perfect life - but a good life. And sometimes, I should just simply be thankful for it.
For me, keeping things in perspective is a constant battle. I am, truly, a very practical person and understand that sometimes people make mistakes, sometimes the world works a certain way and we have to accept that a certain journey is not always going to go smoothly. It may, for me, be a control issue. Many times, the disappointments that happen are out of my control, or belong to other people who I don't want to see hurt, and my heart breaks for them, and for my inability to 'fix it', to make it better for them. This is when I have to remind myself that I can only control my reaction to events - not the events themselves. For a control freak like me that is a really hard lesson to learn. It is a constant struggle to turn a negative into a positive and to not dwell on things and I'm in awe of those people who can remain upbeat in the most dire of circumstances.
Perhaps, this is just one of those things I will always need to work on and some days I may be able to do it. Other days it may slip from my grasp. But whatever day I happen to be living in, I need to remind myself that I have been blessed with a good life - not a perfect life - but a good life. And sometimes, I should just simply be thankful for it.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Expectations - High, Low or No?
I've been thinking a lot lately about expectations people put on things. You know what I'm talking about, right? You're excitedly looking forward to a big party, expecting to meet fun people, have scintillating conversations, maybe discover the love of your life. The party doesn't turn out quite like you expected, maybe the host is in a bad mood, didn't put any food out, has ghastly wine and the one person you do meet has bad breath, is a close talker and won't leave your side the entire night. Or another example all you readers out there can identify with: you hear about a GREAT book, a book you have been told over and over again you must read, you will love it, it gets all these awards. You're excited. Can't wait to read it so you pick it up and ... you can barely make it past chapter two. And it's a hardcover that you spent over 25 bucks on. I think that example ticks me off more than a lousy party.
So, was it the high expectations that ruined the party and the book? Would you have enjoyed both more if you went in thinking that you would have a lousy time and you checked the book out of the library because the cover caught your eye? Are high expectations the reason behind many of the negative reviews we see for movies and books? I wonder if I would have enjoyed Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins nearly as much as I did if I'd bought it after all the hoopla surrounding the series. I was lucky enough to buy it right when it came out - yes, it had some good reviews but it hadn't 'caught fire' (pardon the pun) as much as it has now. So, while I hoped for a good read I was blown away by the story. I don't know if I would have had the same kind of reaction if I'd been bombarded by all the hype it's getting now because, after all that press, I would 'expect' to be blown away. The bar has been set pretty high.
I guess you could argue that truly great books, movies, parties, whatever will always meet expectations because that's what makes them great. TOY STORY 3 for example, had HUGE expectations when people went to see it and by no means did it disappoint. It even, dare I say it? in my opinion, surpassed the expectations the audience had for it. But that is a rare, rare thing.
Pixar genius aside, I think I prefer going into something new - whether it's a book, movie, or a party having no expectations at all. I like approaching the new experience with a clean slate because then the intensity of the experience - if it's good - will be even more pronounced. It doesn't mean I don't read reviews - I do. But I try not to put too much stock in them. Maybe my husband has had it right all these years - he doesn't want to hear ANYTHING about a movie before he goes to see it. He doesn't want to hear what I've heard or what I think about it. He truly wants an empty slate so that he can be surprised, excited or totally disgusted on his own, without expectations.
What do you think? Are high expectations a good thing to have? Or is it better to temper expectations with a dose of "Whatever will be will be?"
So, was it the high expectations that ruined the party and the book? Would you have enjoyed both more if you went in thinking that you would have a lousy time and you checked the book out of the library because the cover caught your eye? Are high expectations the reason behind many of the negative reviews we see for movies and books? I wonder if I would have enjoyed Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins nearly as much as I did if I'd bought it after all the hoopla surrounding the series. I was lucky enough to buy it right when it came out - yes, it had some good reviews but it hadn't 'caught fire' (pardon the pun) as much as it has now. So, while I hoped for a good read I was blown away by the story. I don't know if I would have had the same kind of reaction if I'd been bombarded by all the hype it's getting now because, after all that press, I would 'expect' to be blown away. The bar has been set pretty high.
I guess you could argue that truly great books, movies, parties, whatever will always meet expectations because that's what makes them great. TOY STORY 3 for example, had HUGE expectations when people went to see it and by no means did it disappoint. It even, dare I say it? in my opinion, surpassed the expectations the audience had for it. But that is a rare, rare thing.
Pixar genius aside, I think I prefer going into something new - whether it's a book, movie, or a party having no expectations at all. I like approaching the new experience with a clean slate because then the intensity of the experience - if it's good - will be even more pronounced. It doesn't mean I don't read reviews - I do. But I try not to put too much stock in them. Maybe my husband has had it right all these years - he doesn't want to hear ANYTHING about a movie before he goes to see it. He doesn't want to hear what I've heard or what I think about it. He truly wants an empty slate so that he can be surprised, excited or totally disgusted on his own, without expectations.
What do you think? Are high expectations a good thing to have? Or is it better to temper expectations with a dose of "Whatever will be will be?"
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