I'm leaving for a quick visit home later this afternoon and, besides the usual dread I feel over the long, boring 4 hour drive to Harrow from Toronto, there's another layer of dread over top of this visit. My mom's surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer two months ago so the long wait for surgery has been preying on all our nerves. I'm hopeful that the cancer has been caught early and that she'll only have to undergo a lumpectomy and radiation after. We'll only know for sure after they do the surgery. This will be the first major operation either of my parents has ever had and a whole slew of worries go through your mind. But with my mom's ever present anxiety no one speaks of them. Well, she speaks of them - often and to the point of obsession. But our job is to try and calm her down and keep the positive outlook on life that is so hard for her to maintain.
So it's been a good thing that I made a conscious effort this last year of trying to keep an optimistic outlook on life. I've needed it this past month to keep her dread level down. Thinking positively has worked in many ways and I've been blessed and fortunate in so many aspects but I am also a realist and life doesn't always run smoothly. Those niggling worries you try and suppress sometimes peak through and, if you don't nip those nasty little buggers quickly, all that hard won optimism is buried under a tsnuami of dread.
All I can do is keeping hoping for the best and maybe that tsunami will turn into a little wave lapping on the shore. Hope is fragile but it's tenacious and we couldn't navigate through life without it. Here's hoping all goes well and that we'll be back to our regularly scheduled blog filled with the ups and downs of a writer's journey through publication by Thursday. I'll let you know how we all coped. How about you? How do you all deal with worries and anxiety? Any tips and suggestions most welcome!