Thursday, September 9, 2010
The Delicate Balance
Before this summer of change and chaos descended on me I never before realized how delicately balanced my family life, work and writing were. While I would have the occasional time where one of those 3 would take a slight precedence and tip the scales a little bit in one direction or another, it was never so much that the other two would fly completely off the scales. It's the old adage: I never knew I had it so good. Eight years of good.
People would often ask me: How do you manage it, Nelsa? I'd always answer "I don't manage very well at all." Ha! I didn't know it but I was managing like a Major League Baseball coach. I just didn't realize it until these last few months how easy I had it. Well I guess the time has come for me to understand - and accept - that balance will probably not be achievable for at least another month for me. I liken it to being in the middle of the book where things are always their darkest. My way forward seems blocked and confused, I'm not quite sure how to make my way to the end. Sometimes I have to put the book aside for a time to figure things out. So my life is right now. I want to put it all aside (the move, the renovations, hockey season, etc) but I can't. Too many people would be affected. I certainly can't put work aside. So what goes? The writing. Which includes less time interacting with the many fabulous writing friends I've met in real life and online.
I'm not going to lie - this is hard. Only when you can't do something do you realize how much you love it. Writing makes me a happier person, there's no question about it. So while I could try to carve out the time, I've already shaved everything so close to the bone there's no meat left. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that - like any good scale - the imbalance will correct once I start putting weight on to it in the correct amounts. I know if I stay away from writing for too long my scale will topple. Let's hope the imbalance will be corrected soon.